When I was going through a potential divorce six years ago, I found a book called "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo. I got it to help "save" my marriage, but it actually helped me to let go.
More importantly he introduced me to the concept of my "inner trio," or my head, my heart and my gut, which should be in agreement on any potential relationship.
The way I see it, the head is the part that likes to be in charge. It does most of the talking and so it's the most often heard. The heart is often mistaken as the gut, but it may come from a place of fear when trying to protect itself. The gut comes from a peaceful place deep inside you. It is the quietest, so it may be the hardest to hear, but if you take the time to really listen, you'll find that it can be the strongest.
My first serious relationship as a single mom was great with my son and incredibly loving. My heart wanted so much for it to work out, but in my gut I knew it was wrong for me. My second serious relationship was another fantastic man. My head saw how well we could fit together, but something was just not clicking for me and I was finding my energy drained. I kept worrying that I was being way too picky to end things with such great guys.
Then I met Guy. From the time we first met, I knew in my gut something meaningful would come of it. In the beginning my head chattered on about how his current financial and living situation would make things incredibly difficult. My heart worried that his tragic past would come to catch up with us. All the while a calm place in my gut just knew it felt right. After nearly a year, all three in my trio agree and I am so grateful I kept listening to my gut.
I believe that your inner trio is an important guide not only in relationships, but in all aspects of life.
When I decided to pursue life coaching, my head argued that I was too disorganized to maintain my own business, my heart was afraid that I would fail, but my gut kept pushing me forward because I knew I had something to share with the world.
I don't think we should ignore our head and our heart because they provide us with useful information. If the three don't agree though, it can be helpful to figure out what each part needs to be comfortable moving forward. Perhaps it's more time, more training or more support.
So, what is your trio saying to you?