When I was young, I might have been considered a hipster before being a hipster was in any way cool. I never fit in to the mainstream so did everything I could to stand out. This was especially true in the way I dressed. I remember reading a journal entry that I wrote my senior year of high school, in the early 90s, where I was annoyed that the very clothes people insulted before were suddenly getting complements. I hadn’t changed, but weird was suddenly getting cooler. Now, of course, I think it’s pretty great that a wider expression of individuality is accepted.
Over the years though I started toning myself down in the name of “maturity” or “adaptability.” I thought this was just part of growing up. But I tend to be so adaptable that I risk losing a bit of myself based on the people around me. I don’t do it consciously, it just sort of happens.
A while after divorce when I found an amazing community of excitable friends, another friend made the observation from some recent pictures that I had looked “like a flower that had been kept in a closet and never allowed to bloom.” But it was really me who kept myself in that closet.
I got a job that was somewhat meaningful, but also sometimes mind numbingly repetitive. I always thought I was lucky to find a job I was good at that paid the bills. It never occurred to me for a moment that I could start my own business. After all, I needed the structure of timelines and deadlines to keep myself going.
But as Marie Forleo says, “What are you stealing from the world by playing small?”
If you are constantly toning yourself down, no one can ever really see you shine.
The other thing I’ve been guilty of is tuning myself out. When little things annoy me and annoying things hurt, it was easy to start tuning myself out.
The problem was though that in tuning myself out, my body just screamed back louder.
After having a colicky baby and going through divorce all in the same year, I was forced to reexamine my life. In my pursuits to heal from all of my physical pain and fatigue, I found that before I could heal physically I must first live my life with more purpose and meaning.
That is why I went part time at my “day job” so I could pursue a coaching program to help dynamic women use their fire without getting burned by getting in touch with their superpowers, balancing their energy and feel more accomplished in life.
This week I am launching a pilot of my first 3 month group program – Ignite Your Power! Check it out here!
