116: Finding Balance Between Passive and Aggressive

How good are you at speaking up for yourself? The problem in today’s society is that assertiveness is usually equated with aggressiveness---and that is not considered a favorable quality for most women to have. So, how do we find the balance between being too passive and not being too aggressive? Do we have to be unkind to speak up for ourselves? We’re answering these questions and so much more in today’s show!

Amy Smith is a Certified Confidence Coach, masterful speaker, personal empowerment expert, and the founder of thejoyjunkie.com. Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love. With a focus on helping people find their voice, Amy is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor. She’s been a featured expert on Fox Five San Diego and YourTango.com.


Show Highlights:

  • Why Amy is passionate about emotional intelligence and everyone having the freedom to experience the breadth of human emotion

  • The nucleus of Amy’s passion: people genuinely knowing that their voice matters and cultivating the skillset to speak up for themselves

  • A pivotal moment in Amy’s life: her dad’s funeral and her mom’s condemnation of her life, due to the lack of affinity for the religion she was raised in

  • Why you sometimes have to issue an ultimatum

  • The realization that you can be extremely assertive AND do it with the utmost grace and kindness

  • The differentiation between being assertive and being aggressive

  • Amy’s intensity and sensitivity: “I genuinely believe my intensity to be my superpower, but growing up, that was not the case.”

  • How Amy stabilized her ups and downs and managed her anxiety

  • Why she watches what she eats, how she sleeps, and has eliminated caffeine from her diet

  • How Amy was branded as a “bad kid” at her private school because of her outspokenness

  • Toning herself down and tuning herself out, even when she and her husband would be around her family and have to guard against the disapproval

  • The subconscious message that “You don’t matter” and “You’re not as important as ___________”

  • How Amy’s intensity got out of control, when she had a panic attack last year, as she was putting new business ventures together that wasn’t in alignment with her values

  • How she got back to a healthy place with her body

  • Feeling fear when navigating her intuition

  • “Walking my talk” and staying on the mission, to help people use their voice to speak up

  • Why Amy doesn’t apologize for who she is

  • Using progressive language as a tool with which to “get a handle” on how you speak to yourself

  • The best advice Amy received, from her father: “The minute you get too big for your britches is the day you stop learning.” Another piece of advice was, “Make sure you live a life you can be proud of.”

  • Maintaining healthy relationships---communication is the key to being seen and being vulnerable, which catapults us into intimacy

  • The personal habits that help Amy to use her fire in a positive way: self-talk, being ritualized about sleep, hypnotherapy, and working with a coach

  • Amy’s favorite books: Dare to Lead, White Fragility, and Becoming (see Resources below)

  • How Amy helps others use their fire, but teaches them to pay attention to how they’ve been branded throughout life----and either infuse it into life or let it go

  • Amy’s final words: “Be compassionate with yourself on your journey. It’s easy to compare yourself to others. Wherever you are, any step toward what you want is a step in the right direction. Be gentle with yourself.”


The Joy Junkie

Find social media: The Joy Junkie

Find Amy’s podcast: The Joy Junkie

Dare to Lead by Brene’ Brown

 White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo

Becoming by Michelle Obama

How to Be an Adult by David Richo

Amy Smith Quote
Amy Smith
Amy Smith Quote